{"id":315,"date":"2015-10-18T16:35:48","date_gmt":"2015-10-18T23:35:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tidbitsandtantrums.com\/?p=315"},"modified":"2015-10-18T16:35:48","modified_gmt":"2015-10-18T23:35:48","slug":"is-church-stressing-you-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tidbitsandtantrums.com\/?p=315","title":{"rendered":"Is Church Stressing You Out?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"church<\/a>(Lest I be run out of town for calling attention to a few common complaints amongst church-goers, be aware that\u00a0I\u00a0consider participation a “privilege” of church membership.\u00a0\u00a0These are real complaints from pious people that\u00a0attribute\u00a0a degree of stress to\u00a0membership at\u00a0their individual churches.\u00a0The\u00a0 gospel truth is, you can be a “Good Christian” and still avoid\u00a0certain “over-whelming” aspects of\u00a0denominational membership…no, really you can! Setting realistic participation limits (as\u00a0 you do in your everyday life) and adjusting your personal expectations to be more inclusive to others is your decision to make<\/strong>!)<\/em><\/p>\n

I can\u00a0only speak for myself, but moving to a new\u00a0town is stressful enough, don’t you think?\u00a0Finding a\u00a0Church community\u00a0that makes you\u00a0feel welcome and comfortable sets the tone for satisfaction and success in this new environment.\u00a0As humans, we\u00a0need healthy relationships\u00a0 to be happy.\u00a0Still, even the\u00a0most desirable structured communities\u00a0often include\u00a0unreasonable expectations.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>For example:<\/p>\n

“I have two children\u00a0attending the (religious school) as well as being enrolled in Sunday School activities.\u00a0 Every parent that sends their child to the church sponsored school signs a document for membership<\/em> in the (church) that requires<\/em> “full participation” in all church and school activities.\u00a0Church membership is important to us, and is a great way to meet new people and get the kids off to a great start. <\/em><\/p>\n

Both my husband and I work full time jobs during the day. Five out of seven evenings of the week we are either at school\u00a0activities or church events.\u00a0Our\u00a0new neighbors\u00a0are those new parents from school or church we see regularly.\u00a0 Our “old” friends don’t understand why we don’t get together as often as we did before the move, and frankly, neither do I. My hubby is becoming resentful and makes up excuses to stay late at work so he doesn’t have to participate, which means I have to do all\u00a0the carpooling and attendance requirements myself.\u00a0 We are\u00a0thinking of changing churches just to have more time for other things.” <\/em>(Denise W.)<\/em><\/p>\n

I do understand what Denise is saying.\u00a0The example below\u00a0is yet another example, this time\u00a0of me<\/em> biting off more than I could chew.<\/p>\n

In the late 1980s\u00a0we had five young children between the ages of eight and\u00a0fifteen when the decision was made to move lock, stock and barrel to an overseas assignment.\u00a0 We enrolled the kids in a\u00a0wonderful English-speaking\u00a0church school (note: different from our own\u00a0religion)<\/em> signing all the necessary documents with the\u00a0expressed\u00a0intent to be in “full fellowship” within both of our new communities.<\/p>\n

Week One<\/strong>:\u00a0 MONDAY- Mother’s\u00a0Prayer Group ; TUESDAY- Religious Training (AWANA) WEDNESDAY- “Lenten Soupers” (soup and bread fellowship during Lent); THURSDAY- Christian Prenatal Classes; FRIDAY-Marriage Encounter;\u00a0SATURDAY-Family Fellowship Night; SUNDAY- Services.<\/em><\/p>\n

Week Two:<\/strong> (Oh no,<\/em> one of the Mothers\u00a0found out I taught Religious Ed. for three years.\u00a0They want me\u00a0to teach the teen class\u00a0on Tuesday!)<\/em><\/p>\n

Week Three<\/em><\/strong>:\u00a0(As a teacher, I have to set up a “parent’s meeting” that doesn’t interfere with\u00a0a\u00a0scheduled activity??!!)<\/em><\/p>\n

Week Four:<\/strong> (Somehow I just got elected to Parish Council! When will I have time??)<\/em><\/p>\n

Week Five:<\/strong> (Making enemies without trying by trying to free my commitment schedule— offered a great job, but how can I take it? I have no extra time at all.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Week Six<\/strong>: (I don’t think I can keep up at this pace. How did I let this get out of hand?)<\/em><\/p>\n

Just like your blood relatives, you don’t often get the opportunity to choose your Church Family. Even if you are born into a religion ( for example: a\u00a0“Cradle Catholic”, a “Baby Baptist”, etc…), and choose to attend the local church you grew up in, from day one you are required to “find your place” within an established community of family of friends\u00a0that already know the ropes and what is expected of them. While it is easy to become overwhelmed with all of the wonderful programs and activities that most churches offer, the key point is this: it is up to you to decide your level of participation. <\/em><\/p>\n

Churches require participation and financial contributions from members to survive.\u00a0 Ministers\u00a0often blame the\u00a0lack of attendance and support to a\u00a0change of “cultural reliance\u00a0on formal religious doctrine”.\u00a0 I tend to think\u00a0the explanation\u00a0may\u00a0be as simple as recognizing and acknowledging the nuances of any established group that depends on living, breathing growing individuals to survive. You can’t teach or witness the unconditional love of The Almighty if you can’t get and keep them in the pews!<\/p>\n

Talk to your Spiritual Leader about your honest concerns.<\/em> Ask for help, pray for guidance\u00a0and be prepared to accept your limitations.\u00a0If you find you are drowning in “good intentions” to the detriment of your mental\/physical health or family cohesiveness, it is time to rethink your initial commitment to your present\u00a0church community. Know that you are not alone in feeling this way.<\/p>\n

It is clear that membership in some churches is declining as the result of\u00a0a variety of reasons.\u00a0Every religion has a set doctrine that members are obligated to follow to obtain and retain membership.\u00a0 Some churches have additional<\/em> rules and regulations. Rules, especially in larger “communities”, are vital to achieve goals and avoid dissention in any congregation. \u00a0No surprises there. “Participation exhaustion” (as discussed)\u00a0is but one excuse<\/strong> members give for decline in church membership, especially for young, busy families.<\/p>\n

It might not surprise you to know that “generational rigidness” and\u00a0the absence \u00a0of a welcoming environment\u00a0are also a common complaint. Change\u00a0can be\u00a0painful—whether you are the \u00a0“Nicky New Guy” or the oldest member of your church community.\u00a0 In fact, I recently spoke to a lovely lady\u00a0that confided she was\u00a0likely considered the “grouchy old bag” at her church based on the following situation:<\/p>\n

“I have sat in this pew for so many years that I’ve lost count.\u00a0 I realize that there are no “assigned seats” at this church, but perhaps there should be! My sister’s church does that. It is nice to know that you have a place and\/or will be missed if you aren’t there.\u00a0It ruins my whole day if I am a little bit late and someone else takes my spot—especially if they are visitors. “Regulars” should know better and politely save my seat for me as I would do for them<\/em>. I can’t see or hear well enough to read the song board if I sit further back.\u00a0Elderly members of the congregation should have certain privileges<\/em>!” (Hazel R.)<\/p>\n

I understand what Hazel is saying, as well.\u00a0 We often take for granted (and feel possessive about) those things that have been the rule rather than the exception, even if we know in our hearts we are being unreasonable and unfair—<\/em> another example of the “church related stress” we bring onto ourselves.\u00a0 The good news (no pun intended)\u00a0is that\u00a0it is a problem easily solved. Accepting\u00a0limitations and making reasonable alterations within our own personal expectations\u00a0 encourages us to be\u00a0 open to new experiences and more welcoming to\u00a0others.\u00a0 Common sense, don’t you think?<\/p>\n

It breaks my heart to hear someone say that they don’t go to church because they don’t feel welcome or don’t have time. It is up to the church, regardless of the denomination, to make members feel integral to the success of the overall congregation.\u00a0 Likewise, it is essential that every\u00a0individual \u00a0take responsibility for placing limits on their own expectations as well as moderating the\u00a0potential stress-causing expectations of others.<\/p>\n

As my Grandmother used to say, “If you don’t want to sell cookies, don’t join the Girl Scouts<\/em>“.\u00a0 Membership in a church community should never come down to that.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Lest I be run out of town for calling attention to a few common complaints amongst church-goers, be aware that\u00a0I\u00a0consider participation a “privilege” of church membership.\u00a0\u00a0These are real complaints from pious people that\u00a0attribute\u00a0a degree of stress to\u00a0membership at\u00a0their individual churches.\u00a0The\u00a0…
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