{"id":219,"date":"2015-05-23T12:47:20","date_gmt":"2015-05-23T19:47:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tidbitsandtantrums.com\/?p=219"},"modified":"2015-05-23T12:47:20","modified_gmt":"2015-05-23T19:47:20","slug":"perfect","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tidbitsandtantrums.com\/?p=219","title":{"rendered":"Perfect?"},"content":{"rendered":"

(I hate beating a dead horse, but this quote keeps popping up, and it is driving me crazy!! It seems to be giving people permission<\/strong> to act on feelings that may not be healthy.\u00a0 If not implied, why bring it up at all? While it might appear that we are arguing the semantics of the word “perfect”, what I\u00a0take umbrage at is\u00a0the notion that there IS perfection out there, that\u00a0for whatever reason\u00a0we all\u00a0“settle in love”, that\u00a0our lives are doomed to become worse\u00a0if “perfection” appears on the scene\u00a0that sparks a renewed interest in the once held sacred criteria we followed for “perfect relationships”.\u00a0 Relationships are organic, meant to change,\u00a0as do our needs and wants.\u00a0 We often want things that appear perfect in our eyes at the moment, but prove to be toxic over time.\u00a0 Nobody, nothing\u00a0is truly perfect.\u00a0 LUST makes us feel that way. \u00a0LOVE\u00a0enables us to be realistic<\/strong>, act with integrity<\/strong>, able to accept ourselves and others, warts and all. Thank God for that!)<\/p>\n

Does anybody out there understand why this quote really SUCKS<\/em>??<\/p>\n

“This quote REALLY bugs me—I’ve seen it no less\u00a0than four times (in different formats) this week alone, and I don’t appreciate the inference. The premise is that “love is perfect”, that you are too young, too old, too poor, already in a relationship or married, you are on your deathbed or geographically challenged when a perfect “Mr. or Miss Right” comes along.\u00a0 How absurd! \u00a0In any event, it’s obvious that your current relationship is a mistake, an inconvenience. \u00a0Love is ultimately reduced to being a “remedy”, a cure for a prior miscalculation.\u00a0 I do not buy it.\u00a0 The very idea itself convicts us as humans of being fickle beings, or at the least, unable to comprehend what real love is vs. lust.\u00a0 There is no courage or integrity in this statement or encouragement to honor a commitment once made.\u00a0 We are therefore weak, guided by our wants and desires rather than the ability to acknowledge an emotion that nurtures our best self and provides an opportunity for us to share ourselves with another. \u00a0I just don’t get it. \u00a0It is true that we all change over time.\u00a0 Life is organic, not meant to be stagnant.\u00a0 Make sure you are the most \"PERFECT<\/a>compatible person you can be that is willing to grow along with another without losing yourself.\u00a0 While it is certainly true in some cases (especially since “integrity” is hardly recognized or practiced these days) that some people feel “forced” to commit to a relationship or ultimately grow apart over time, I choose to interpret this quote as a warning: If you are looking for a partner to spend the rest of your life with, strive to understand the concept of commitment, integrity and responsibility.\u00a0 Take seriously the ramifications of your actions and decisions.\u00a0 NEVER SETTLE FOR “LESS THAN” TO KEEP FROM BEING LONELY.\u00a0 You do yourself, nor the other person a favor by not knowing your own mind.\u00a0 There is no such thing as a perfect person.\u00a0 Be the BEST person you can be, and you will attract the right person for you.\u00a0 Common sense, right<\/em>?”\u00a0 Facebook, May 22, 2015<\/strong><\/p>\n

After I wrote this commentary on Facebook, many of my colleagues and friends\u00a0immediately responded\u00a0 with their own take on it.\u00a0 It might interest you to know that the overwhelming response was positive (WHEW,\u00a0these guys\u00a0are so much smarter than I am!).\u00a0 Several members of our group responded with “interesting”\u00a0insights\u00a0that I thought I might share with you.<\/p>\n

Let me know what you<\/strong> think.<\/p>\n

“If you are currently in a mature, loving,\u00a0committed relationship, the eye will rarely wander toward something that you once craved (beyond the initial excitement of discovery, perhaps).\u00a0 People do, indeed,\u00a0grow apart and cheat on each other.\u00a0 However, there is no such person as “perfect”, only a discontented, narcissistic individual who finds it difficult to be satisfied with what they already have, regardless of who they hurt in the process of self-satisfaction.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“The heart wants what the heart wants, when it wants it.\u00a0 If you had an unrealistic notion of what your “perfect mate” would be like growing up, but subsequently\u00a0matured and found how unrealistic your notion was, your idea of the perfect person has changed so that your current love is the perfect person\u00a0for you”.<\/em><\/p>\n

“If there is conflict in your relationships, your view of the “perfect person” changes PRN (as necessary) to fill the void caused by the pain you are feeling.\u00a0 For example, if your wife is withholding sex to punish you for an infraction, you might daydream about an attractive person, interjecting in that dream a person\u00a0with an insatiable desire to\u00a0want sex exactly when you do.\u00a0 Same is true of the woman whose husband doesn’t turn out as handsome, rich or\u00a0romantic as she wanted him to be.\u00a0 In this instance, I find it difficult to imagine the author was speaking about love at all.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“What does a “perfect person” look like?\u00a0 What does that even mean?\u00a0 Movies and\u00a0 \u00a0use the concept as\u00a0character development, but there is no such thing.\u00a0I think if there was a perfect person for everyone out there,\u00a0even if you were already in a loving relationship, that extreme (perfect?) satisfaction\u00a0of finding your “ideal” would supercede the \u00a0previous relationship, at least until both parties realized that there is no such thing as “perfect”. \u00a0It doesn’t mean you should act on it, of course, although some will.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“I think there is no “worse” in this quote, especially if you are currently in a loving\u00a0marriage or partnership.\u00a0 Speaking personally, if I came across a former crush or old girlfriend that I once thought was perfect, I would immediately be reminded that we parted for a reason<\/strong>. That’s a wonderful thing, don’t you think?\u00a0 If, I felt\u00a0tied to a “troubled” relationship because of children or finances, I might, maybe, perhaps, say those words, but as a man of integrity, it would pass and never come out of my mouth in public, nor would I give in to those thoughts at all”.<\/em><\/p>\n

*********************************************************************************************************<\/p>\n

Perfect<\/strong> is a word that either evokes extreme frustration\u00a0or sheer exultation. However, there are no “perfect persons” or\u00a0 even “the perfect love” except in the books and movies.\u00a0 Face it, we are\u00a0merely imperfect human beings bumping into each other as we go through life,\u00a0trying to find happiness and contentment with another of our species.\u00a0 When we set our sights and determine that our fulfillment based solely on an elusive concept like perfection, we are agreeing to participate in a lifetime\u00a0exercise of dissatisfaction and\u00a0futility.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I agree with my colleague that “(we) always want what we don’t have, were forced to give up, feel we deserve”, etc.—we are human, after all.\u00a0\u00a0We need to mature and gain experience in the world, meeting new and “different” people as we leave our neighborhoods and broaden our interests and skills. \u00a0Factor in personal character and learned integrity, <\/strong>and\u00a0<\/strong>the\u00a0very notion that we\u00a0perhaps might\u00a0be missing “an opportunity for perfection” would most likely be nothing more than a passing thought, if at all.<\/p>\n

Last word, I promise: Instead of searching or waiting for that “perfect person”, try to spend that emotional energy on repairing or appreciating the healthy (stressing the word “healthy”<\/strong>) relationships we already have.\u00a0 Become a better person to attract only the\u00a0BEST possible\u00a0communion with others.\u00a0\u00a0Partnerships take continual work, loving\u00a0commitment and the willingness to adapt over time.\u00a0 Hey, nothing worthwhile or lasting is ever easy, but it sure is lots of fun most of the time!<\/p>\n

Common sense, right?<\/p>\n

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(I hate beating a dead horse, but this quote keeps popping up, and it is driving me crazy!! It seems to be giving people permission to act on feelings that may not be healthy.\u00a0 If not implied, why bring it…
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