{"id":207,"date":"2015-05-03T09:18:24","date_gmt":"2015-05-03T16:18:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tidbitsandtantrums.com\/?p=207"},"modified":"2015-05-03T09:18:24","modified_gmt":"2015-05-03T16:18:24","slug":"its-the-thought-that-counts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tidbitsandtantrums.com\/?p=207","title":{"rendered":"Its The Thought That Counts"},"content":{"rendered":"

In honor of Mother\u2019s Day, here are just a few words to remind you (in case you forgot) that gifts given from the heart are the very best gifts of all. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Children especially, with the very of best intentions, want to give the \u201cperfect gift\u201d to Mom or Dad for holidays or special occasions. The end product of their efforts often falls short of the glossy picture in Pinterest or Etsy, but we claim to love it nonetheless, don\u2019t we? The precious look on their sweet little faces as they hand you the tattered and wrinkled page they created makes it very easy to say, \u201cOh Sweetie, that\u2019s the most beautiful gift I have ever received!\u201d \u00a0A gift in the hands of a child is certainly worth its weight in gold.\"Squirrel\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Funny thing is you really mean it<\/em>!\u00a0 We aren\u2019t lying to our children or giving them false encouragement by expressing joy, gratitude and appreciation of their efforts.\u00a0 We are merely thanking them for their thoughtfulness and encouraging them to be open to their many abilities, even when the finished product falls short of their own <\/em>childish expectations. They know their gift is not perfect (\u201cYour head really<\/em> isn\u2019t that big, Daddy\u201d), but they sure are pleased that you<\/em> think so.<\/p>\n

You would never expect a Rembrandt from a child, nor would you expect an expensive gift from a stranger.\u00a0 Gifts come in all sorts of sizes and shapes, as does the intent behind them.\u00a0 We are taught to accept a gift \u201cin the manner in which it was given\u201d, with the same respect, appreciation and enthusiasm you would<\/em> expect when you give a gift.\u00a0 As we grow older, we learn to be weary of anyone \u201cbearing gifts\u201d, as if the gesture itself comes with some kind of hidden expectation.<\/p>\n

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, of course. That grotesque crayon-created stick-figure person (that would be you) holding hands with a gargoyle child (self-portrait) walking through the park is a most beautiful piece of abstract art, destined to become your most prized possession and cherished memory! You don\u2019t need to critique the gift or even understand it to accept it in the manner it was given.\u00a0 Trust me, your facial expression says it all.<\/p>\n

Gestures of kindness, generosity and love often come when we least expect them.\u00a0 Some gifts, while not at all tangible, come in the form of\u00a0the best learning experiences<\/em>!<\/p>\n

\u201cPaige was three years old when she was \u201ctaken away\u201d by social services and placed into foster care.\u00a0 This apparently was the beginning of a long period of instability in which she was cared for by well-meaning foster parents in seven different homes that did their very best to meet her needs.\u00a0 She was never mistreated in anyway, but (in her words) \u201cno one went out of their way to make me feel loved\u201d. \u00a0Due to unforeseen events she was frequently moved from her temporary security in one foster home to yet another with the good intent of the state to provide her with the best care possible. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Growing up, Paige latched\u00a0on to\u00a0anyone who showed her kindness. She was almost twenty-four, a college grad with a busy career when she truly fell in love for the first time. She told me, \u201cHonestly, I just wasn\u2019t looking.\u00a0 I was so busy taking care of myself\u201d.\u00a0 She entered into the marriage with no intent of ever having children (\u201cWe are both very career oriented and never really talked about it.\u201d) In fact, she admitted her pregnancy was a surprise, the result from failed birth control. <\/em><\/p>\n

When Paige called to invite me to be her midwife, she and her husband were separated and waiting for the final divorce papers to come through. \u201cIt was a romantic coupling, intense and a wonderful experience with no lack of love, believe me, but we were much too young, I guess\u201d she offered to explain the separation. Paige confided once that although she was very,very sad that the marriage ended, she added that she almost expected it to fail because she never understood \u201cthe magic\u201d that made marriage succeed in the first place.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

I liked Paige instantly. She was a pleaser-type person, hospitable, independent and upbeat. She was fierce! There was a \u201cpeacefulness\u201d and honesty about her that I instinctively knew boded well for her birth. I met the soon\u2013to-be-divorced husband only a few weeks before the birth.\u00a0 I kinda liked him, too. \u00a0He expressed an interest in being with Paige when she went into labor, but as her midwife (and because they were separated) Paige wanted to know if I would be comfortable with the arrangement.\u00a0 Based on my own experiences, I knew there was a likelihood of problems attached to such a potentially volatile situation, but both were insistent that they were better \u201clife-friends\u201d than life-partners\u201d, so I had no objection.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Unlike many loving partners, Paige\u2019s estranged hubby knew exactly what she needed and wanted without her saying a word.\u00a0 Their interaction during labor and birth was loving and respectful, and extremely comfortable as though they were newlyweds experiencing the joy of marriage for the first time (not getting a divorce!).\u00a0 There was plenty of kissing, hugging and tender touching similar to the actions that created this child, which I believe created the perfect environment for Paige\u2019s baby (any child) to be born without incident. It was quite a scene!<\/em><\/p>\n

After the beautiful birth, they both thanked each other profusely with loving words and sweet gestures for the wonderful gift that came from their brief union. It was amazing, almost uncomfortable to watch, as if I was spying on one of their most intimate moments.\u00a0 I learned more about \u201cdifferent relationships\u201d in that short period of time with Paige and her ex than I have before or since.\u00a0 Gifts do indeed come in all colors, shapes and sizes\u2026and circumstances!<\/em><\/p>\n

Paige understood from a young age that good intentions often do not turnout the way they should or could, but that there is always the opportunity to glean something positive out of a (potentially) negative situation<\/strong>. She perceived from her early circumstances that \u201crelationships were temporary\u201d, but in most cases, served some kind of purpose.\u00a0The marriage was entered into with good intent and much love.\u00a0 Her subsequent pregnancy at the end of their union was a shock, but a \u201cwelcomed one, a gift\u201d (she said). <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWe will always love each other, I suppose, but this baby insures that (hubby) will be a part of our lives regardless of what happens.\u00a0 I will always be thankful to him for helping me to realize that although situations change, it\u2019s not \u201cmagic\u201d but the effort we put into expressing love and respect for each other that makes our relationships last forever<\/em>\u201d.<\/p>\n

We don\u2019t always get what we want or deserve in life, but perhaps, we should always seek to find the good in everything (and everybody) we encounter. Good intentions are positive incentives to look at the broader picture beyond the actual \u201cgift\u201d (or event, or circumstance, etc\u2026) itself.\u00a0 All relationships are gifts in one form or another.<\/p>\n

What is born of pure loving intent has the potential to create even more love and understanding<\/em>. We make the choice to grow and benefit from all our life experiences, good and bad. \u00a0We promote the healthy development of a child\u2019s self-esteem by encouraging their endeavors, regardless of the results. \u00a0Personally, I will never paint any relationship I encounter with the same brush of expectation or cynicism as I was taught or experienced without due diligence, understanding and compassion. This mantra has served me well over the years.<\/p>\n

\u2026and that grotesque, indecipherable picture you received for Mother\u2019s Day? \u00a0Be assured there is one just like it found at the bottom of a trunk that once belonged to Picasso\u2019s mother!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In honor of Mother\u2019s Day, here are just a few words to remind you (in case you forgot) that gifts given from the heart are the very best gifts of all. Children especially, with the very of best intentions, want…
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