Scaredy Cat

What do you fear?

Just think of all the acceptable words we recognized for that uneasy gut feeling that makes us stop short, sweat a bit, and perhaps run away rather than stay and fight, words we all use  like “afraid”, “worried”, “anxious”, “hesitant”, “wary”, “apprehensive”, “concerned”, “panicked”, etc… With the many good reasons we have to experience fears each and every day (just turn on the television!) and the plethora of words to express that awful feeling, it’s a wonder we find the courage to crawl out of bed in the morning!fear of rehab

Everyone has fears and the occasional panic feeling. It is the degree that our fears hold us back or interfere in our efforts to live a meaningful life that constitutes a problem…one that might require medical intervention. For example, a true “phobia” is a disabling fear reaction to a specific thing or situation, perhaps rational (based on facts) but usually irrational (based on beliefs not substantiated by facts). Even rational fears can be blown way out of proportion if we concentrate solely on the details, “what could happen if…” to the point of avoiding any new experience. How can we tell if our fears have gotten out of hand?

Remember Lucy van Pelt from the “Peanuts” cartoon, that bossy little girl who sets up her psychiatry booth to bilk monies from her playmates by dispensing useless advice? Lucy’s advice to Charlie Brown’s lament is to just “Snap out of it, five cents please!” Severe, debilitating phobias and panic disorders rarely respond to a simple request or command to “snap out of it”!

God, how I hate spiders! Have you ever heard that joke about the best way to practice to become a Ninja is to walk into a spider web (or something like that)? Well, that’s me! Don’t tell me they are defenseless creatures that serve a purpose! That might well be, but I’ve seen them jump and bite and take down a grown man in seconds, screaming just like a little girl!” (John A., 37 yrs. old)

CRAZY LADY

“Politicians scare the crap out of me. They say one thing while looking into your eyes and then turn around and do the exact opposite! These are the people who decide our future and our fate regardless if it is the guy we voted for. I don’t trust a one of them, and I’m honest to God afraid of the power they have over us.” (Peg G., 54 yrs. old)

“I’m afraid he is going to leave me. He’s been distant for some time, but he says it’s because he is tired after working such long hours. We aren’t teenagers, of course, but I fear he has lost interest in me. I don’t believe he is cheating, I think he just doesn’t care anymore. I don’t know what will happen to me if he goes.” (Fran L., 44 yrs. old)

“I guess I would say I am terrified of losing my job. The economy sucks right now and everyone is down-sizing. I’m the “last guy on the totem pole”, if you know what I mean, so I’m afraid I’ll be the first to go.” (John P., 22 yrs. old)

Last week in my blog (“Rethinking Old Beliefs“) I underscored how fears of any kind can interfere with living a rich and prosperous life. The blog specifically discussed the fear some of us have about death and dying taken from a nursing prospective. It might surprise you to know that the fear of dying is only secondary to the number one fear of all (listverse.com), which is the “Fear of Failure”.   This particular fear is very important because it directly impacts almost every decision we make (or don’t make) throughout life.

“Failure” of any kind means different things to different people, however. Addicts fear making the decision to enter rehab, a choice that could perpetuate their addiction even further if they refuse to get help. They may fear the actual detox process, or fear being away from their family for any length of time. As they go through the process of healing, perhaps they will have a renewed concern about what others think, fearful of being exposed to those whose opinions matter the most to them. Toward the end of their rehab they may fear leaving the treatment center for fear of failing (relapsing) once they return home. Recovery is a constant, daily, life-long battle. Sometimes it takes more than one attempt at treatment to finally succeed in their path to sobriety. Conquering our “everyday fears” can be like that, too.

Perhaps your personality style is to use any and all failures merely as a learning experience. Good for you! Someone else might use those same failures as an excuse to do nothing further to better the situation for fear of making it even worse. Doing your very best to over-come the things that limit you, being persistent and never giving up, learning from your mistakes and applying those lessons versus running away in fear of doing more harm than good, is crucial to achieving any worthwhile goal. Common sense, don’t you think?

If we acknowledge the fact that “fear” limits our intentions, abilities and dreams, we can then identify specific fears in our lives in order to overcome them. The best way to overcome fear is through knowledge.

I am afraid to send my grandkids to school each day with all that is going on. We don’t go to movies anymore because of the recent shootings. We don’t even stop for fast food for fear of a deadly disease. No matter what, we just can’t protect ourselves anymore like we used to.” (Frank F. 62 yrs. old)

Frank, a Marine Corp veteran, later surmised that his actual fear was that he felt he was too old to physically protect his family (like he was taught in the Corp) should they be faced with an attacker. As a solution to diminish his fear, he decided to gift himself a gym membership. Establishing realistic safety precautions and limiting exposure to situations that raise his concerns helps him to assuage those fears that made him feel utterly helpless. The gym membership may not turn him into a cage fighter, but his blood pressure has lowered and the threat of diabetes two has disappeared.

I’m afraid to drive in the city. It seems like anyone can get a license these days. I had a fender bender yesterday. The guy was a (illegal alien) that had no license and spoke limited English. The cop told me this happens all the time and there was nothing he could do about it. The exact same thing happened to a neighbor last week and a friend the month before. I gotta drive to make a living, you know?” (Kevin S., 42 yrs. old)

It took a while for Kevin to admit that his biggest fear was that he would lose his job over the accident. He equated his experience (and that of his neighbor and friend) as a “trend” that was totally out of his control, which was validated by the policeman’s comment. Kevin toyed with the possibility that perhaps this situation would end up being the push he needs to use his savings to buy a truck and start a business of his own, which was his goal, he said, from the very beginning. He was still very angry with the person that hit him, but he now had a “Plan B” to over-come his fear of being fired.

blog 2

The world is ever changing and we must adapt to survive. It’s a Darwinian thing, “survival of the fittest”. We cannot protect ourselves from everything and everyone that threatens, irritates, or frightens us. We do not have to like or approve everything that happens to us, but we do have to figure out a way to not live in fear, not let the actions of others keep us from doing what we have to do to protect our families, guarantee our livelihoods and ensure a healthier existence for ourselves and those we love.

“I am afraid that my children are my kryptonite. I cringe every time they bring home a permission slip for football, wrestling or any contact sport for that matter. I volunteer as room mother for every class trip so that I can be there “in case”. My pediatrician is on speed dial. Last year a boy in our neighborhood broke his neck riding his skateboard. I ran home and threw all the skateboards, snow saucers and pogo sticks in the trash. My kids are angry, my husband is angry and I am scared to death. Why do they make such dangerous things for kids?” (Cyndi H., 36 yrs. old)

When we embrace our fears head on, and acknowledge their power over us, we can then take the necessary steps to strengthen our resolve to over-come what’s bugging us. If our fears are too much for us to handle by ourselves however, common sense demands that we reach out to others.

Enlist the opinion of someone you trust to determine whether or not you are “wigging-out to the extreme”. There is no shame or failure in asking for help. As long as we are breathing, we all continue to be “works in progress”, and that’s a good thing. Trust me.

So, my questions to you remain the same: what do you fear and what are you going to do about it? Today is a great day to begin feeling good about your life again.

God Bless.

Leave a Reply