(Last week we discussed what it is like to “lose one’s voice”, (“Help! I’ve Lost my Voice!”), and the topic apparently hit a nerve with some of you. Many of you were surprised that you related with the client that lost his confidence at work, afraid to assert his “good opinion”. A simple program of developing a better emotional intelligence and readjusting his personal and professional boundaries was his “common sense approach” to improve his overall situation that certainly resonated with others in similar situations.)
This week we’ll look at how the loss of your voice (or finding a new voice) can change your life dramatically! It is important to keep in mind that starting early by assisting a child in building a “healthy personal influence” strengthens a growing self awareness that enable her to grow into an emotionally capable adult that can “roll with the punches” and succeed in her endeavors.
A child’s voice is generally viewed as inconsequential, and for good reason. With limited life experiences, it is the custodial adult’s responsibility to provide an opinion (or voice) that protect and instructs the child. Behaviors are learned. What you do—even when you think no one is watching, is so much more important than what you say that can ultimately influence the self-esteem of a young child.
For example; if you treat strangers with as much common respect as you do your family, your child learns to respect others as well as themselves. If you take care of yourself, developing healthy habits and responsible opinions, your child is likely to follow your lead and do the same. He/she will view their place in their community as being integral, necessary to make the world a better place by adopting a “global awareness” and sincere empathy for others.
A teenager’s limited voice is ever changing, a culmination of prior experiences and present influences. Teens tend to view themselves as either omnipotent (“super-heroes” capable of doing anything without future repercussions) or “imminent failures” that lack the confidence or a clear voice from the perspective of an inner voice that screams “everyone else is better, more skilled, smarter, prettier, etc…” Peers can smell the insecurities of others like a shark can smell blood in the water (bullying). Regardless, most teens go through periods of insecurity based on a variety of incomprehensible reasons regardless of the positive influences in their lives.
For example; if a teen accepts that he has unconditional love and acceptance from his parents, it will likely empower him to develop a sense of ability, not fear. He will accept his short-comings and take responsibility to learn from his mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. Getting the message that life is nothing more than gathering information and skills in order to navigate our world is crucial. Your teen will certainly face temptations from peers, but the growing secure voice in his head (mirrored from your healthy and loving guidance) will calm his fears and increase the odds of him making mature choices.
An adult voice is generally predicated on (or lack thereof) education, his skill base, life opportunities, past experiences and future prospects. Adults, even those with many life successes under their belt will sometimes fall prey to strong personalities and “manipulators”, both in business and in their personal lives. “Capitulating to the voice of another” is often viewed as a weakness or surrender of our personal voice, but it can also be the catalyst, a positive reason to make important life changes.
For example; Love and physical attraction is a very strong motivator at any age. Adults will compromise their voices to appear more attractive to the opposite gender for mating and companionship. Adults are also likely to alter their own personal boundaries to benefit those they love when necessary, often at the expense of their own needs and wants. As many successful businessmen and women have learned, the development of a healthy “emotional intelligence” to best read the intentions of others allows the opportunity for you to grow as a person and adjust professional boundaries as desired to achieve your goals. Appreciating the skills and energy that you personally bring to any relationship will only strengthen your voice, not weaken or diminish it.
An aging adult voice reflects a lifetime of good and bad experiences, faulty or empowering “self-talk”. Some professionals think that opinions are ” locked in stone”, highly unlikely to change as we approach a certain age (“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”). A recent insight from a trusted colleague helped me to better understand that we can reinvent ourselves over and over again throughout our lifetime as the need or desire arises.
Many adults of advancing years will form a “bucket list” of things they want to do before they die. Perhaps they were given a bad health prognosis as the catalyst to change their thinking (or just “feeling their years”), but there is usually a sense of urgency that gives them permission to alter long-held opinions and/or boundaries, despite what others think they should do!
For example; younger, less experienced people look to older voices for advice and support, believing that “life lessons learned” carry the most consistent, trust-worthy wisdom to follow. Unfortunately, some older adults hold strong generational beliefs, theories and concepts that were never disputed or challenged…until they are. Life is organic, and MUST change to thrive. Opinions will likely “readjust” as new facts are revealed. Our ability to be flexible and make changes is important to ensure that we continue to survive.
Reasonable adults, after years of dealing with a variety of experiences and challenges often find the courage to alter their voices to reflect a calmness of acceptance, perhaps developing a compromise along the lines of propriety and impropriety (what should or should not be). Strong religious and societal beliefs can indeed remain strong, but the need to force others to accept those beliefs softens over time. Live and let live—let go and let God!
The bottom line is that change is sometimes painful. People hesitate to change long-standing opinions— despite all the evidence to the contrary of what is true and what is not. We know that the happiest people of any age are those able and willing to make necessary changes. Having a self-empowering voice, an opinion, a strong belief, that is healthy, respectful toward (and respected by) others, regardless of what that voice might be, is important at every stage of our life. Not everyone will agree with us, nor should they or should we expect them to, but we need to feel that we are participants in our own lives, not just dodging the debris of what well-meaning or narcissistic others think we should do or believe. The world needs to hear what YOU have to say!
Sounds like good common sense, right?
When strong personalities exert “force” to influence, manipulate or discount your opinions so that even you doubt the relevance, I pray that you have the courage to recognize what is happening, and then do something about it. God Bless.